the mission - create a story

i had an idea to create a scene or story that had to include a list of words in it. there are 10 words that must be used. they do not have to be used in any particular order. you can use alternate meanings of the words, or their normal usage. the story can be a run-on sentence, or a paragraph(s). you can use as many of the key words in a sentence that you want. after writing your story, you should tag 3 others to do the same.

i tag:
sara, ed, adam

the words:
1. pot 2. pan 3. spoon 4. fork 5. knife 6. glass 7. fire 8. water 9. light 10. sink

the story:
i saw him going the other direction - skipping, playing a pan flute. it sounded like water making its way down a stream. i closed my eyes to let it sink in. when i opened my eyes again the sun had moved behind the branches of an old oak tree. the light that shone through was dappled and wonderful looking. i stared at the sun through that tree for i don't know how long. finally i started up again, making my way down the dusty dirt path. when i came to the fork in the road i went left. as i rounded a corner i saw the lake, with water as smooth as glass, stretching off into the distance. i picked up my pace, needing to make a fire before the sun went down. when i get back, a fire is already going. she had made it. and now she was looking through my bag. i say, "if you're looking for pot, you won't find any." she looks up with a devilish smirk, "HA HA!" followed by "who doesn't bring a knife camping?" i show her where the knife is. after dinner we sit by the fire, moving closer to it as the night gets colder. i yawn and say it's time to go to bed. "do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?" i tell her i want to be the big spoon.

overwhelmed

i would have to assume that we all are overwhelmed by life and events sometimes. it could be something positive or good, like a marriage or a baby or a vacation. or it could be something negative, like a failure or a mistake or a sadness. it could be an everyday life event that isn't one or the other. or it could be none of these. maybe it's hard to pin down.
i feel overwhelmed. i feel like i'm looking up out of a hole, wondering how i can get out.
or maybe like taking a walk. a long walk. its like i wanted to go on this walking journey, so i started walking. so i've been walking and walking and walking. for days and weeks and months and years. and i've gone a long way. a long way. but i'm done with my walk now, and i'd like to get back home. how the hell do i get home? i don't know how to get home. and it's overwhelming me. it drains me. it's eating at me; killing me slowly. my mind, my heart, my spirit, my body, my will. my drive and desire. the only part of my body that works are my tear ducts. the only part of my mind that works is the self-hate.
what i just said may look or sound bad; but it's not too bad. i figure there are 100 parts that make up the person that i am. this is only 1 part. but this is the part that spilled out of me today.
connected to this - but apart from it - is the idea of someone to listen to me and my problems who has no connection to me. the idea of giving every detail to a person to examine and study and come to a conclusion about (and maybe give an answer or direction), unlike the vague blurry generalities i present here. i know that these people exist, and that they're called therapists. i know this.
it's about time for lunch, so i'm gonna stop here.

weekend events

i went down to bakersfield this last saturday to hang out with my friend woody because his wife was out of town and he had nothing else to do. so we just hung out, watched tv, and then went to see charlie wilson's war. the movie was rated r for nutidy, language, and war violence...but if you can handle that ok, i think you would enjoy this movie. i haven't read up to see how accurate the movie was to actual historical events, but it seemed like it could have been close. i enjoyed it. i thought the actors did a good job (tom hanks, julia roberts, and philip seymour hoffman), and the story moved well. i'm glad i saw this movie over practically everything else showing. i would have watched sweeney todd and juno, too. so i'll need to see those some other time.
and one other thing. after the movie we went out for a drink (i don't remember the name of the place), and while we were sitting at the bar some people were leaving and we overhear a comment. what is the comment? it's one guy saying to his friend, "hey, that guy looks like serj from system of a down." i heard it, but didn't put two and two together. but woody turns to me and asks if i heard what he said, and says that people say stuff like that quite often. so that was pretty funny.

self image

i took a picture of myself last night, but i didn't like it so i deleted it. if someone else was there to look at it, they probably would have said that it was fine. i would like to see myself through other peoples eyes...maybe...just for a day. what do people see when they see me? what do people think about me, or feel about me, when they see me? i know that there is more to a person than their looks; and when you look at a person you see more of them than just their looks. the more you know a person (family, friend, spouse/other), the more "extras" you see or project on to the image your eyes are taking in. language seems so...inadequate (or maybe just my ability to understand and/or express it). i wish i could express better what i see when i look at people (maybe only sometimes i wish this). maybe that's why i didn't like the picture i took last night. because sometimes i see everything about me (all of the "extras", good or bad) and sometimes that overwhelms the picture, pours out of it, ruins it. can anyone understand what i'm saying, whether they agree or not, or is this just confusing? maybe someone else can better say, or elaborate on, or further explain what i tried to start here.

Why i hesitate

Now, i'm not talking about this to offer excuses...this is just how i feel. They may not be appropriate or logical reasons...but they are my reasons.
I'm turning in an application for an apartment today, and i'm nervous. I may have less-than-perfect credit and i may be poorly qualified, but i don't like that someone is going to tell me that. I let these fears and feelings affect me too much. I may get the apartment. My credit score may be better than i think. But this man who i do not know, who i may never even see again, gets to look into my life and make a decision about me...and i don't like that feeling at all. Control. I like to be in control, and in this situation i am not in control.
I was going to move on to other situations/circumstances/parts of my life, but i've changed my mind and am going to stop here.

what does a new year mean

in the fairy tale land part of my brain that i keep hidden way in the back, a new year equals a fresh start and the chance to enforce resolutions (resolutions which of course you'll keep). but i've given up on that. not that i don't want these things, just that i know me...and me never accomplishes these things. sad - maybe. pathetic - maybe. true - definately.
so what do i wish to achieve this year? i'll list many things here, and maybe one or more of them will be accomplished/acquired/experienced/and whatever else.
1. a career. what i mean by this is a job/career that can allow me to live comfortably (either by myself or with someone else); a job that i for the most part enjoy; the possibility to advance/improve/change.
2. a relationship. i thought of saying "love" here, but you can have love without having a relationship. you can also have a relationship without having love, but i don't want to get into that right now. but a relationship that would last me for the rest of my life. a woman that would love me the way i am (i would be willing to change some) and that i could love just as she is. i'm going to leave this point short, so moving on.
3. a healthy body. i used to go to the gym and play sports/be active all the time. used to. and my body reflected that. not that i could ever be the same person i used to be, i could be better than i am now. riding a stationary bike, using a rowing machine, lifting weights, eating better (much better), cutting back on the sodas, streaching (either yoga or just streaching). these are all things that can contribute to improved health, and weight loss. sounds great, i just need to do it.
4. get outdoors/travel more. i don't need to go anywhere exotic or thousands of miles away. but sequioa would be good. yellowstone would be good. northern california (beach, mountains, forests), southern california (beach), oregon or washington and so on and so on. included in this could be visiting/vacationing with friends (colorado, las vegas, etc.).
5. feed friendships. i have developed some good friendships (either by myself or with the help of others) and i want to strengthen them as well as make more. i've let some friendships die from lack of involvement. i've killed some by only taking and not giving. some i gave up on for the wrong reasons. but some i still have, and i want those to get better and better. so i want to give more to friends, learn more about them, be there for them when they need me, be there for them when they don't need me, be there for them when i need them.
6. get out of debt. or at least improve/minimize it.
7. find god. it's not that i don't know him, it's just that i don't know where he is in my life. i got careless and now i've lost him. he either fell out of my pocket or got left on a chair or was lent to a friend (which friend, i don't know). and it's not that finding him would solve all of my problems. there is a good chance that it won't solve any of them. but i'd still like to find him.
8. learn about my background. i know a little. but not much. i'd like to know alot more. generations and generations worth. back to who came here when from where. and back and back and back. i don't know how far back i will be able to go, but i have to try before i know.
9...
i can't think of anything else right now, but i guess that's a start.

bad habbits

we all have bad habbits, right? one that i constantly battle with is biting my fingernails. i've always done it - i'm sure it has to do with my early childhood or something like that. my parents used to put the peppery tasing nail polish on them, but i would chew right through that. i might have gotten punished and spanked (i can't remember); but i always bite my nails.
at different times, i have tried to not bite them. i've gone for weeks, a few times i've gone months, but i always end up defeated. i'll be three weeks in, trimming them and keeping them looking good, and then i'll be watching a movie or something and before i know it i've chewed half of my nails down to nothing. then i give up and move to the other hand and say that i'll try again some other time.
i am currently trying to not bite my nails. five or six days in, so far so good. so when we are hanging out and you see me start to bite my nails, i give you permission to hit me/kick me/make fun of me/throw something at me (not your drink, ed)/or remind me that i'll never become an asternaut or president if i bite my nails.

filling free time

so, most of my evenings are free most of the time. on these free evenings i'm either watching tv or a movie, or reading a book. like with 99% of things in life, if you do them long enough they get old. what can i do to bring new life to my evenings? i have two possibilities that i will expound on, but i would also be grateful to hear from you, my friends, your suggestions.
my possibility #1 is to work out (this would mean either getting a gym membership or using my apartment complex's gym, if they have one). before i decided to hurt myself while riding a motorcycle, i used to work out 3-4 times a week - and i loved it. so, riding a stationary bike and possibly lifting weights would be a good way to waste away part of multiple evenings, and a great thing for my body. and i know you all want me to have a good looking body; you don't have to say it, i know.
my possibility #2 is to take an evening class at city college. i'm thinking some type of history class, or art history/appreciation, or something else. it would be a credit/no credit type class that would be fun to take by myself, but more fun to take with a friend or two.
other suggestions/ideas/possibilities?

holiday travel

i think i am going to spend christmas in the bay area with my dad and step-mom this year. so i'll leave friday evening or saturday morning, and come back christmas afternoon/evening. i try to alternate from year to year between the bay area and visalia, but it's hard to want to keep doing this. why is it hard? because i am lazy. because i like sleeping in my own bed. because i'm closer to my mom than my dad. because i hate traffic and am easily annoyed by other drivers. because gas is expensive.
so i guess i'll see my parents down here for christmas before or after. i know some people wanted to do a holiday potluck dinner, but i am doubting that it will happen now.
on a separate note, i hear that someone might have a new years party...allegedly. i might have to crash it. i'll even dress up to blend in if i have to. we'll see.

Let's go to the snow sometime

I really enjoy the image of snow on trees, in meadows, on hills and mountains, frozen lakes and streams, roofs covered in snow with chimneys smoking. It makes the landscape look new, young, pure and beautiful. I'm ready to look on a scene like that. Whether it's going for a long drive into the mountains, staying the night somewhere, or playing in the snow for the day.
My eyes are tired of cars and roads and houses and clutter and trash and people and tv and dirty air and flourescent lights and the city. I want to see beauty, nature, wilderness, the end of a year turning into the begining of another. I can smile just thinking about it (and it's not even a clear picture). I need a clear picture, so it can sustain me for a little while.

Bears vs. Raiders

Sunday, November the 11th, two of my friends (Ed and Josh) took me to a NFL game to celebrate my upcoming birthday. I am a Chicago Bears fan, and I live in California, so this game was picked. We had good seats, not great seats, but good seats (why pay $100-$1000 for a "great" seat). The game was slow, low scoring, and dull...until the last 5 minutes. The Raiders kick a field goal to go up 6-3, and obnoxious Raiders fans went crazy. But the Bears scored on a long pass from Rex Grossman (who came into the game because the starter was injured) to Fresno State's own Bernard Berrian, and were up 10-6. The Bears caused a Raiders fumble, went on offence, and Cedric Benson ran for a touch down to put the Bears up 17-6. The Raiders then moved down the field in the final minute, attempting to score...only to be intercepted in the corner of the endzone (right where our seats were) to end the game. Go Bears!

Pooch Parade

I went to the pooch parade on Saturday with Adam, Ed and Heather. It was kinda fun. There was a fair number of dogs (50-75 is my guess, maybe higher). Around half of these were in costumes. Most of these costumes did nothing for me, but I was looking at the dogs themselves more than the costumes. And I'd have to say that most of these dogs weren't attractive (this may be mainly due to my bias towards some breeds). There was a bulldog that I liked, a rhodesian ridgeback that Adam pointed out to me that I would have liked to see without its costume, and a weiner dog or two that were cool. But most of the dogs were ugly, shaggy/dirty, mutts, or just not my style.
And seeing these dogs helped me to appreciate the dog I had growing up (a rottweiler) and the dog my parents have now (a german shepherd). My rottweiler (brandi) was very pretty, and a great dog. And my parents dog (max), who is about 8 months old now, is a good looking dog that is going to look like the typical german shepherd.
I did see a few rottweilers at or around the pooch parade, and none of them were good looking. I don't recall seeing any dobermans or german shepherds. There was another big dog there that I got just a glance of, but I don't remember what breed it was.
There may have been a lot of good looking dogs show up after we'd left the parade. And a lot of people that have cool/good/neat/good looking dogs just didn't participate in the event. But it would have been nice to see better looking dogs there.
So next year all of the people that have the 'cool' dogs and the 'good looking' dogs need to bring them out to the parade.

Who am I? Who are you?

The other day my boss (who knows I like The Office) brought in some office supplies with Dwight Schrute on them that he got at Target and had them displayed on my desk when I came in. I thought it was cool and I plan on using them. But then he and one of the girls in our office were talking and then it comes up that they want to start calling me Mike Schrute. I laughed. I even said they could if they wanted to. But now I'm wondering what they see about me or my personality or something else that makes them see Dwight Schrute when they see me??? Maybe it's because I too am "faster than 90% of all snakes."
Is there something about me that is clearly Dwight? What about Jim? Or Michael? Or so on... What about you? Are you a Jim, or Dwight, or Angela, or Pam, or Kelly Kapoor?
You can be one of these people for any number of reasons-good or bad, exactly or vaguely. Or you can be more than one of these people, or parts of many of them.
So...connect people (old or current - friends, family, coworkers) to these characters. You can give reasons or explainations if you want to.
Michael Scott - Jim Halpert - Dwight Schrute - Pam Beesly - Angela - Andy Bernard - Karen Filapelli - Stanley - Kevin - Phyllis - Merideth - Toby - Ryan - Kelly Kapoor - Jan Levinson - Oscar - Roy (warehouse) - Darryl (warehouse) - Creed Bratton - Todd Packer - or someone else.
I will take a page from Lefty's three questions and leave my answers in the comment section (once I work out who is who).

two cars crash, and then...

last night i was coming back from a friends place after watching the office, and there was a car accident ahead of me. i was on ashlan heading towards clovis, just at the 168 freeway. a truck was turning to get onto the freeway and a car ran a red light and hit right into him. so i go through the light and pull over and get out to check on the people. both airbags had deployed and both vehicles were pretty messed up. nobody seemed hurt too bad, so i call 911 as people are getting out. so i tell the operator where the accident is and that nobody seems badly hurt. she asks me to see if anyone wants an ambulance. i figure that nobody does, but the guy in the truck that got hit says that he would like one. i'm just finishing up with 911 when a chp arrives, followed shortly by fresno pd. so they start going though their routine and one asks me what i saw and if i'd asked for an ambulance and so on. so they take down my information and statement and say i can go (just as the ambulance arrives). so i leave.
as i'm continuing home, i'm thinking over what happened and what i did and whether i did a good job or not. my conclusion is that i had just barely acheived average.
-I assumed people weren't hurt bad because they got out of their cars on their own.
-I didn't check to see if there was anyone else still in the cars (babies, dogs, dead people).
-I assumed an ambulance wasn't necessary, but someone wanted one.
-I felt bad for not talking to any of the people while waiting for the police (to comfort them or give them moral support).
-And I gave the police a fake name and number. not really.
but i figure i'll do better next time. then i got home, hopped in bed, and thanked God it wasn't me this time.

The War on PBS

The War is a documentary of World War II by Ken Burns on PBS that I have been trying to watch. I know there have been at least 6 episodes so far and I've seen 3 or 4 of them. I think that they are done very, very well. Some of the photos and "video" they show are chilling and moving. It's like a history book come to life in a way none of my history books ever did. I'm not sure what night new episodes air, but I think you can see reruns of previous episodes other days.
I know Adam was looking forward to watching this documentary. I wonder if he has been? I would recomend it to anyone who likes history or would like to learn more about the war than what a high school text book would teach them.
On a separate note, there was also a documentary on baseball on PBS, but I don't know if it is still running, or if it was done by Ken Burns. Each episode covers a 10 year period, and I saw the 1890's, 1900's and 1910's. I thought they were great. I enjoy baseball history, and it was neat learning about all of these baseball pioneers that modern players are always put up against.
I thought of buying the box set of both of these documentaries, but they seem too pricy for me. For The War, they were offering different packages but they were all over $100 (like $180, $250 and $350). I didn't see or hear how much the Baseball box set was, but I assume it was similar.

for e, the lover of bats

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/09/070918-flying-fox.html

e, you were the first person i thought of when i came across this article (maybe because you are the only person i know who likes/loves/enjoys bats).
hopefully this link works.

picture memories

i have been coming across a lot of cool pictures lately. on peoples computers. on blogs. on website. on tv shows. and it makes me want to learn how to take pictures and then take pictures. i am a visual person, so pictures are powerful for me. i assume i can buy a decent camera for a few hundred dollars, so that part of the equation would be fairly easy. and if i didn't want to take a class, i'm sure a little practice would be enough. then, if i ever do go somewhere cool/fun when my friends invite me, i'll possibly be able to take some cool pictures. then i'll just have to learn how to put them up on my blog. but i'm sure my friends can help me with that when the time comes.

places to go

I don't know how many of you that live in the Central Valley enjoy nature and going cool places, but I'd like to go somewhere in the next month or so. I was watching PBS last night (or maybe Sunday night) and there was a very interesting show on this national park in Croatia that is made up of a series of cascading waterfalls and lakes that have a high lime concentration that builds natural dams, creating new pools/lakes (Plitvice Lakes National Park). It was real cool; and it looked awsome (especially in winter). I'm not saying Croatia is where I want to go (I don't have too much extra money floating around). But there are some cool 'natural wonders' not far from us that would be fun to go see. Yosemite National Park, Sequoia National Park, Point Reyes National Seashore (by S.F.), Death Valley National Park, Muir Woods National Monument (by S.F.) and more; as well as many good museums, missions,forts, galleries, theatres, etc.
Maybe some of you have good recomendations or could be tour guides. Or there might be some place that you would love to go to, but haven't yet. But I would like to do something/go somewhere that would be a one or two day event/excursion.

Dare me, I'll save your life!

I just got CPR certified today. It took about three and a half hours when it easily could have taken one and a half. It was one of those things where it was nice to waste a friday afternoon; but then I have so much to get done that it brings stress to the rest of your day/week. But now the week's over. And I'm good to go. Let the saving of lives begin!

a meme, from someone else's brain, to mine, to who knows who

Ok. I was tagged to post a meme. I feel like Sally Fields at the Oscars, "You like me. You really like me!"
Here are the rules:
Post eight (8) random facts about yourself.
Tag other people to follow suit.

1. when i was young (hopefully very young), i would pee the bed sometimes. during this time i watched the facts of life, and in one episode arnold (the little kid) was having a discussion with his white dad about wet dreams. so i went to my mom, happily, and said "mom, maybe that's it. i'm having wet dreams." (without laughing or doing anything to make me feel dumb) she said, "no. i don't think that's it." it wasn't until later in life that i understood what wet dreams are. so it turns out that all i was doing was peeing the bed.

2. when i was in 6-8th grades, i used to steal change out of my moms purse in order to buy ice cream at school. i tried to take only a nickel or dime at a time, or a quarter if she had a lot, thinking this would keep her from finding out. who knows if she knew or not.

3. when i was young, i used to spend the summers with my dad. at this time he lived in santa maria (by pismo beach). and one time, my dad, his best friend, AND ME, went to pirates cove, a nude beach in that area. they kept their shorts on...and so did i. but i remember them playing frisbee with topless girls and naked (fully), wrinkled old people walking hand-in-hand down the beach. ah, memories.

4. the first girl i ever made out with was at a christian summer camp (i'd maybe been a christian for a few months) the summer between freshman and sophomore year (so i was about 14.5). for the longest time I could remember her name. but not now. but i do have fond memories of that week.

5. my grandpa on my moms side gave me my first pocket knife. it was so cool. i felt like a man...at six or seven years old. my second pocket knife was from my dad (step-dad), in my stocking at christmas. it wasn't a locking blade. so when i held it blade down and tried stabbing something (i don't remember what), it closed on my hand, cutting my pinkie almost to the bone. aside from feeling nauseous, i was scared that i was going to be in big trouble (or have my knife that i'd owned for about an hour taken away from me). (once again thinking i was sly), i played it off as being cut by something under a lay-z-boy chair my dad and i moved later that morning.

6. the first dog i had was a rottweiler named brandi. i had her for many years. she was a great dog; and i miss her. i hope that the next dog i own is close to being as good as she was. if i had a drink in my hand right now, i'd pour a little out in honor of her memory.

7. i used to be pretty fast. from elementary school up to 7th grade i was the fastest kid in my class. and from then thru high school, i was still reasonably fast. football, baseball, soccer, basketball, volleyball, beach volleyball, catch, frisbee, tennis and more. i loved to do it all. and i did it all. now i watch it, or watch others do it. or hope someone throws the frisbee or ball right to me so i don't have to move for it. luckily i never thought i was going to be a world-class athelete.

8. i really enjoy martial arts (kung-fu) on tv or movies. i used to love to watch saturday afternoon kung-fu. my mom used to tell me to go outside and play. but if i had a choice, i would stay in and watch kung-fu.

I tag...anyone who is left. I think the six people that read my blog have either already memed or have been tagged to do so. But, if there is someone I am unaware of, direct me to your blog through the comment section of this post, and do this meme yourself.