do you ever do something for so long, that you can't imagine it being otherwise? even if you want it to be? an object/event/situation/relationship in motion tends to stay in motion. i can say that i want something/someone to be in my path in order to help me change (a little or a lot, for the worse or for better), but don't actions speak louder than words? than intentions? than hopes, dreams, and desires?
because it would seem that my actions say otherwise. why am i 32 and still single? why did i never pursue a career? why don't i travel the way i say i want to? why this? whay that? why the other? i wonder how my life will end up turning out? saying/thinking this, i assume some people will think or wonder why i don't take charge and make something happen. make something change. make. do. pursue. be proactive. but i don't think i'm that kind of guy. at least i'm not that kind of guy right now.
so what do i do? what should i expect? can a light just come on, and a change occur? can a desire or drive just well up inside me? can a spontaneous personality change just happen one day?
About Me
- m.wise
- Fresno, CA, United States
- i walk with a limp
5 comments:
interesting post mike. i think most people don't change. most don't even want to change.
homeostasis is pretty natural.
hey, m!
i think it's fun to start answering those 'why don't i...?' questions in very, very small ways. microscopic ways, even.
por ejemplo, it makes me crazy that i'm still not fluent in spanish. i can get by, but i make all kinds of mistakes. so, i've started to work on this at the microscopic level: when i ride the el, i bring little spanish flash cards and go through one category of words on my trip. and, poco a poco, i'm adding to the spanish that i do have.
I once heard that everything you want in life is just outside your comfort level, and it struck me as particularly true. The problem is, I hate going out of my comfort level! Why won't everything I want just fall into my lap? I think it can happen both ways. Don't you ever find that if you try something that seems scary to you, you find out that it is so not as bad as you thought it'd be, and think - why haven't I been doing it for years? I'm agreeing with the baby-steps comment.
And anyway, 32 is young. One of my best friends had never been in a serious relationship until after she turned 33, and now she is moving in with her 25 year old boyfriend. There are surprises everywhere.
did you go to the game?
if so, why don't you write up some thoughts over @ wide world of fresno sports, as you are a writer there.
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