...i would like to be at the coast. but i'm not. i'm here in fresno. i guess the bright side is that it could be worse.
i was just thinking this afternoon, so i figured i would try to put some of those thoughts in this post. and then i will look back and see how successful i was.
i was fondly remembering the few friends that i've had throughout the last 15 years or so that i could have serious, close-to-the-heart, put it all out on the table discussions/conversations with. how wonderful is it (usually noticed/comprehended/appreaciated after-the-fact) to be able to bare a part of yourself to someone (no matter how big or small) when it stays hidden to the rest of the world. to expose that secret. to confess that fear. to voice that opinion. to proclaim whatever it is that you proclaim. to show that person a part of your soul/heart/mind that allows them to know you in a special way from there on out. it tweaks your friendship/relationship/whatever just the tiniest bit. but that's all that needed to happen to procure the change.
i look forward to the next time something like this happens to me, and the next person it happens with. not that i'm sending out invitations to have a heart-to-heart talk, or that the next time i have a conversation with one of my friends that it needs to be life-changing. because i think that part of what makes it work, and what makes it special, is the natural, out-of-the-blue way it usually happens. you don't go searching for; it just happens...i think?
back to my original thought (i think). i feel like i've been alone too long. some/many/all of the things that i would have shared over the last 1, 2, 5, 10 years have been thrown on the shelf, waiting to be released into the trust of someone else. but now there are so many of these things inside of me that some are lost, some are broken, some are lost inside of others, and some have had time to build up walls around themselves...making them harder to get to. and now i've lost my train of thought. so i guess this post is complete.
Friday, April 10, 2009
i called my mom the other day to ask what everyone was doing for easter. my dad is working, my brother is working, my sister might be working. so nothing is happening for easter. my mom says she is going to ride along with my dad. feeling a bit lonely, i say that maybe i will ride along too. and to this, my mom says, "i don't think you'll like that". slightly confused, i ask why i wouldn't like that. and she says, "do you want to have your dad ask you questions all day"? no i don't. good looking out, mom, good looking out.