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do you ever do something for so long, that you can't imagine it being otherwise? even if you want it to be? an object/event/situation/relationship in motion tends to stay in motion. i can say that i want something/someone to be in my path in order to help me change (a little or a lot, for the worse or for better), but don't actions speak louder than words? than intentions? than hopes, dreams, and desires?

because it would seem that my actions say otherwise. why am i 32 and still single? why did i never pursue a career? why don't i travel the way i say i want to? why this? whay that? why the other? i wonder how my life will end up turning out? saying/thinking this, i assume some people will think or wonder why i don't take charge and make something happen. make something change. make. do. pursue. be proactive. but i don't think i'm that kind of guy. at least i'm not that kind of guy right now.

so what do i do? what should i expect? can a light just come on, and a change occur? can a desire or drive just well up inside me? can a spontaneous personality change just happen one day?