i next blogged my way to someone's blog today, and they had a few posts about their relationships and blunders. of course this grabbed my attention, so i read a few of them. one was about how she tried to casually/nonchalantly contact an old flame (months to years later)just to see if a spark might happen again, and how it didn't work and how it made her feel about herself.
this struck a chord with me because lately i've wanted to call/email/text a few different ladies. i've been telling myself that i just want to say hi to someone, or that i want to see what they've been up to, or that since we are friends i just want to catch up with them. and this is all true. but it's all b.s. too. because whether it's right under the surface or buried deep, there's the desire to be with them again.
so i'm not going to contact any of them. those relationships are over/done/dead, and i need to leave them that way. that's half of it. the other half is that if any of them contact me for any reason, i need to not jump to conclusions, but take any hi's, or how have you been's, or what's going on's as purely friendly gestures from them. but really, chances are that i won't have to worry about their actions.
in the past, i've been able to leave an ended relationship alone. but lately (the last 5 years or so) that's been difficult to do. i'm gonna try to get back to that. i envy that former me. i used to hide/bury/contain my emotions well too. nothing got out. i'm sure that kept alot from getting in too, but the trade-off seems worth it right now. so here's to beginning to close it all down. i wish myself luck.