maybe it's something that happened to me long ago, that i've repressed, but others can see in me. or maybe it's a gene that in most people is recessive, but in me it's dominant. but i think there is something in me that is driving me to be alone. it's like i can't help it; no matter what course i take, what choices i make, or how much i try, i always end up here. it's like some weird evolutionarry flaw/defect i have, where i like women who don't like me, i don't like women who like me, i ruin relationships that i get into, i get into relationships that i know won't work, and so on and so forth. i don't know what i am doing wrong, but i know i am doing something wrong. or many things wrong. or everything wrong.
and i hope you understand that i don't think i am unique. i know there are plenty of unhappy men and women out there who feel very similar to (if not exactly) the way i do. but overall, i think we are a fairly small percentage. most people can make relationships work. most people can be happy with someone for a reasonable amount of time (if not indefinitely). most people can go from one relationship to the next. most people can keep trying until they find one that works. most people have one or more appealing traits that draw the opposite sex to them.
but me. maybe i help people feel happy and lucky because they have someone. to know that you could be like me but you're not has to be a great relief.
maybe it's my lot in life to be alone. not everyone can be happy after all. equal and opposite forces. yin and yang. i'm not sure that anyone wants to be the sad, alone one. but someone has to be, right!?