an hour well spent, with nothing to show

i wish you could read my heart. you'd learn so much about me. you would know me and love me. instead i have this page for you to read. and so you go away empty. because i don't know how to transcribe my heart onto this page.

recap

my little brother (mom and step-dad) got married during memorial day weekend; and that went very well.

my little sister (dad and step-mom) had her 8th grade graduation (home school - 3 8th graders, 1 12th grade) up in the bay area a week ago; and that went very well.

i had a great time at the woody's this last weekend along with the stewart's and adam. i got plenty of sun by the pool, had a good bbq, and got to see first hand all of the fun new things georgia is doing and saying.

and last night i hung out with kasey as she got her tattoo (which turned out super-duper awsome). adam, kendall, sara via phone, katie and brian were also there to support her/harrass her/help her pull through.

and i'm looking forward to going to colorado next week for becky and jay's wedding.

something new

i'm gonna be up in the bay area this weekend, visiting family, because my little sister is graduating the eighth grade. so i'm leaving after work today, and will get back late on sunday.

this weekend

my little brother is getting married on saturday. i assume i'll go down friday after work and stay till...i guess sometime sunday. i hope everyone has a good holiday weekend!

a star imploding

To get a stellar implosion (leading to a supernova and then either a black hole or neutron star), the fuel at the center of the star gets used up, and the core cools rapidly. The pressure that has been holding up the outer layer drops, and the outer shells start falling toward the center. The gas has a long way to fall (the radius of a red giant can be as large as the distance from the Earth to the Sun) and builds up a tremendous speed. It all meets at the center, at which point most of the mass rebounds into a supernova explosion. About 20% of the mass gets compacted at the center and either forms a neutron star or (if the original star was really large) a black hole.

i kinda feel this way.

a picture in my mind

out at sea, not too far from the coastline, was this craggy rock. it looked dry and old with little to offer. yet there was a tree growing on it. just one. and the tree looked old (if not old, at least mature), and it was twisted and turned and hunched over by years of wind and sea. but there it stood, on that rock, almost defiantly. it was a beautiful scene (almost art); and sad at the same time, because it was alone on this rock.

alphabet sentences

Alligators
Besiege
Cattle.
Drab
Economics
Fail
Generations.
Heros
Invoke
Justice.
Koalas
Leave
Manure
Nuggets.
Offer
People
Quiet
Relief.
Sever
Ties
Universally.
Value
Willfulness.
Xenagogues
Yell
Zealously.

another meme

i saw this on Sara's blog and figured that since i needed to update my blog, i'd try this.
the rules: all answers have to start with the same letter as does your first name.
1. What is your name? michael
2. A four-letter word: mild
3. A vehicle: motorcycle
4. A city: milan
5. A boy's name: mortimer
6. A girl's name: molly
7. Alcoholic drink: mai tai
8. An occupation: manicurist
9. Something you wear: moleskin coat
10. A celebrity: marky mark
11. A food: muffin
12. Something found in a bathroom: magazines
13. Reason for being late: moving violation
14. Something you shout: michael (yes?! no?!)
15. An animal: millipede
16. A body part: molar

the coast

the coast was nice. i'm back.

travels (long and short)

i'll be at the coast this weekend. i'll see you when i see you.

laughs

the show the office makes me laugh. i love that show.

visiting my grandparents

i was working in pixley yesterday, so i stopped in tulare on my way home because i felt like visiting the gravesite of my grandpa and grandma (my dads parents). my grandma died before i was born, so i never got to know her. and my grandpa died about a year and a half ago. every once in a while i miss that this grandma, Bobbe Jean Wise, wasn't able to be a part in my life. but i overthink many things, this included. like that if my grandma had lived, my dads life might have taken a different direction and i may not even be here today. and on and on. but i wish i could have known my grandma. my grandpa, Clifford Duane Wise, was a good man and i loved him. i wasn't as close to him as i could have been, but thats my fault because i'm not as close with any of my family as i feel i should be. i'm sure this is common, but since they are not here to answer my questions or give me advise i feel that there is so much i wish i could get from them. one thing i'm sad about in particular is that i never talked to my grandpa about my grandma. my grandpa remarried some five to eight years later, so i grew up knowing a different grandma and never felt comfortable bringing up Bobbe with him. i wish i had, partly to learn about her and partly for something else.
so i cried at their gravesite. but it was out of selfishness. i was sad that they weren't there for me. to help me and answer my questions and give me advise. i do miss them, but yesterday i cried for me. sometimes tears bring relief or healing or peace, but these didn't. these were tears of loss and sadness and regret. they were tears of realization that they couldn't help me, and that i'd have to figure out my life and my problems without them.
but it was still good to visit their gravesite and say hi and tell them that i miss them.

a poem i've always enjoyed

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

IMPORTANT information about me!!!

I'm "borrowing" this from Carly, who got it somewhere else.
Anyway! Enough about me, let's talk about me...

Hi, my name is: michael
but you can call me: whatever works
Never in my life have I: smoked a cigarette
The one person who can drive me nuts is: me (maybe that's cheating, but i'm going with it)
My high school was: just so-so
When I’m nervous: i bite my fingernails (i also bite them when i'm not nervous)
The last song I listened to was: f me pumps by amy winehouse
If I were to get married right now it would be to: a woman i loved
My hair is: a memory
When I was 4: all of my moms friends loved me (of coures they were all 20 at the time)
Last Christmas: i was in the bay area playing sponge bob monoply with my little brother
I should be: working right now...and i mean RIGHT NOW
When I look down I see: everything from my chest down (mmmm...sexy, huh!? no? okay then)
The happiest recent event was: my moms birthday, and her smile when i gave her flowers
If I were a character on ‘Friends’ : i'd probably be similar to chandler
By this time next year: things may be different
My current gripe is: the price of gas
I have a hard time understanding: what i should do with my life
There’s these girls: who love me now, but who knows if they'll love me later (they're 7,5,3,1)
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: whoever i think would think it was cool
I want to buy: other people things
Where do you plan to visit: england
If you spent the night at my house: we'd stay up all night talking
The world could do without: hate
Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: a netflix subscription
Most recent thing someone else bought me: a card
My middle name is: duane
In the morning I: pray for whoever is on my mind
Last night I was: not doing laundry like i told myself earlier in the day i would
If I was an animal I’d be a: tiger or a monkey
A better name for me would be: you tell me
Tomorrow I am: playing poker in the evening in tulare with friends
Tonight I am: doing laundry...then it depends on what others are doing
My birthday is: towards the end of november

the gym

it seems like alot of my friends have been talking about the gym. they are going. they are thinking of going. they are planning on going. i'm not planning on joining a gym, but i would like to start working out some. my apartment complex has a workout room that would suit my needs. so now all i need to do is make my way over to this room and work out. wish me luck.

how did that get there?

i haven't listened to cypress hill in quite a while. i don't think i've heard them on the radio in quite a while. so why then has one of their songs been playing through my head all morning?

what to do during the week, in the evening

i usually try to watch jeopardy at 7. i've been reading practically every night (a variety of books). i have some dvds that i can watch over and over, so every so often i'll put on one. and currently i am receiving netflix so over the next couple of weeks this is what i have slated to receive and watch:
grindhouse: planet terror (robert rodriguez zombie movie)
grindhouse: death proof (quinten tarentino something something)
waitress (i've heard good things about it)
dexter: season 1 (4 discs) (i've seen a few episodes on sunday nights and like it)
the prestige
the borne ultimatum (i liked the first 2, so i figure this one will be good too)
the royal tenenbaums
lost in translation (i'm very attracted to scarlett johansen)
blade runner: directors cut (i've always been a fan of sci-fi, and like this movie)
willow
children of men

homeland security

so i just got back from lunch, and am sitting at my desk when two people come in the front door. and who do they say they are? homeland security. at least that's whay the guy says as he shows me his badge. well, there are no managers in the office right now, so i give him the address to our main office so he can speak to our human resourses director. crazy. i hope no one is in trouble.

as days turn in to years

does time just keep going by faster, the older you get. i'd say all the way through eighth grade, it would take forever to get to...your birthday, or a holiday, or summer, or the weekend. once i got into high school though, i began to notice time moving faster. and now, i'm 31, it's already march, it's almost summer, and on and on.
at the same time that my life flies past me, i just know that this week is going to take forever. maybe to say "i know" is wrong, but i have a strong feeling. maybe that's good though; i have a thing or two i need to prove to myself i can do. 1 day down, 4 to go.

why not work

well, it's saturday morning and i'm working. this doesn't happen very often. last night my boss called and asked if i could work today. sure. so i'm in the office now, but leaving to go to a jobsite. what is my task? to be a company representative while we have subcontractors on the site performing work today. what does that mean? i sit around for 7-8-9 hours reading a book or twiddling my thumbs while these guys work. i can use the money, and really, what else was i going to do today. i never know what i'm doing until someone says lets do something. so i can talk and see what's going on tonight, i just can't do anything during the day.