i would have to assume that we all are overwhelmed by life and events sometimes. it could be something positive or good, like a marriage or a baby or a vacation. or it could be something negative, like a failure or a mistake or a sadness. it could be an everyday life event that isn't one or the other. or it could be none of these. maybe it's hard to pin down.
i feel overwhelmed. i feel like i'm looking up out of a hole, wondering how i can get out.
or maybe like taking a walk. a long walk. its like i wanted to go on this walking journey, so i started walking. so i've been walking and walking and walking. for days and weeks and months and years. and i've gone a long way. a long way. but i'm done with my walk now, and i'd like to get back home. how the hell do i get home? i don't know how to get home. and it's overwhelming me. it drains me. it's eating at me; killing me slowly. my mind, my heart, my spirit, my body, my will. my drive and desire. the only part of my body that works are my tear ducts. the only part of my mind that works is the self-hate.
what i just said may look or sound bad; but it's not too bad. i figure there are 100 parts that make up the person that i am. this is only 1 part. but this is the part that spilled out of me today.
connected to this - but apart from it - is the idea of someone to listen to me and my problems who has no connection to me. the idea of giving every detail to a person to examine and study and come to a conclusion about (and maybe give an answer or direction), unlike the vague blurry generalities i present here. i know that these people exist, and that they're called therapists. i know this.
it's about time for lunch, so i'm gonna stop here.
About Me
- m.wise
- Fresno, CA, United States
- i walk with a limp
5 comments:
i can't remember if you have health insurance. if you do, check and see if it covers mental health services, which sounds worse than it is. it might be extremely helpful for you to talk to a psychologist.
especially the detached perspective part.
i don't mean that in a weird or offensive way. like, you're nuts, go talk to someone.
i mean it in a way of, it's good to talk to someone, or have someone listen that isn't coming from the perspective of friend, family, etc. they can just listen objectively and help you work through issues.
and its fun to go to a the rapist, i mean therapist. have you ever done that? i had to at fresno state, for a class. it was an upper division counseling class and they required that we see a therapist for 6 one-hour sessions. it was great. you get to talk and talk and talk, all about yourself, and they HAVE to listen.
also, since im talking about myself here, i too have felt overwhelmed a time or two. its not the best feeling really, especially when its a problem that overwhelmes onesself. so, let me know if i can help. im not unbiased, and not a great listener, but i am way cheaper than a therapist.
see, i see myself as more of a "life coach." i'll tell you what to do based on my assessment.
I went to a counselor in college. I was going through depression not eating and not sleeping it seemed as though I couldn't really get out of it. my roommate was a psychology major and she recommended i do it. She felt helpless cause I wouldn't react to anything. it was a deep heart to heart and the next day I signed up.
I have to say it was weird in the beginning because he was a stranger but it was oddly refreshing because he was a stranger. I didn't feel I had to put up a presence that I was ok or make a joke and be in a good mood like I felt I had to.
After a while I got to put all the scrambled thoughts together and really come to grips at what I was depressed about and how I could put it all in perspective. I mean it took time and a lot of kleenex but it was nice to not have to put up a persona that everyone assumes is always you. I really got to examine how I worked and how I thought.
I think sometimes we need that outside perspective in order to understand the inside self.
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