unfortunate

when i decided to begin blogging, i think i thought it would be a way to express thoughts/feeling/ideas that i didn't want to actually voice. but it's not working out like that. the things i want to say, and the feelings i want to share are still inside. why? because even though i want to get them out, i don't really want anyone i know or who knows me to read them or know them. so i guess that means that i need to journal at home along with blogging about regular things. it's not that i don't want anyone to see them, it's that i want to be anonymous. maybe that's why i like postsecert so much, because they succeed at that.

before

i yelled into a void. what did i think was going to happen? of course there was no answer. i stared into this same void, trying to make something out. obviously i failed to see.



before, when i said "i yelled", i was lying. i spoke softly and quickly. i wanted to say as much as i could, while making sure no one overheard. my words floated away from me, bearing my message.



before, when i said "i spoke softly and quickly", i was lying. no words left my lips. there are still words out there from before. i'll wait to hear an answer to them.

a desire...almost strong enough for action

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. ~John Muir

like that

in the last scene of point break, when bodhi paddles out into the raging sea.

the sea

i am drawn to the ocean. to waves crashing on the shore. the immensity of the ocean. its power and fluidity. i could sit and watch it for hours. the sight, the sounds, the smell, the wind, the sun (or not). what a wonderful scene they combine to make. add a storm to that and you get something that it takes a word like "awsome" to describe.

it's been too long since i've viewed a scene like that. i miss it dearly. and to have someone to share it with...well, the search continues.

what happens now?

that's what i've been thinking for some time