commercials

carrie has recently posted on some commercials that she currently can't stand. since 1/2 to 3/4 of commercials fall into that category for me, i thought i'd bring up one that currently makes me laugh. this might change depending on how many times i see it.

it's a head and shoulders commercial with troy polamalu. troy comes off of the field, and he has all this hair, and a reporter asks him a question about the game. he glances at troys hair once or twice as he asks it. so troy starts talking about his hair. the reporter might ask him one more question, with troy again talking about his hair. so then the reporter says to him, "i didn't ask you about your hair." to which troy says, "you aksed with your eyes, trent. you asked with your eyes." then he runs off screen.

it may not be very funny to anybody else, but it makes me laugh when i see it.

weddings

a couple of weeks ago i went to my cousins wedding. it was nice. she looked great. it was in the bay area. yada yada.
this last weekend my sister got married down in visalia, and it all went great. she looked great. my parents looked great. i looked great. that's right, i looked great (this was according to my grandma though, so i don't know how biased it was). the ceremony and reception were outside, so it was a little warm until the sun went down. they had an open bar, so the dance floor stayed full. my dad danced some, which made me laugh. and i got to talk to a lot of friends and family during the evening, which was nice.
i was impressed with all of the major vendors they used: the photographer/videographer, the emcee/dj, the bartenders, the cook/caterer. they all did great jobs, and they helped the whole night go well. i was the only person there drinking 7&7's, so i didn't have to worry about them running out. there were only a few people who drank a little too much, and thankfully they didn't make any scenes, and left quietly. the family of the groom were quite the dancers. i'm not saying that they were good dancers, but they sure got out there and danced. and they smoked...while they danced. it was funny watching them bob/twist/gyrate with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth, or a cloud of smoke above their heads. and one of them who was dancing quite a bit and having a really good time split his white pants (that's right, white pants), but i don't remember if that stopped him from dancing.
i might have left out one or two highlights (not on purpose), but in summary the wedding went really well. my sister was happy with how everything turned out. and my parents were happy with how everything turned out.

truck horn

so one of the guys at work was leaving for lunch, and he asked if we wanted to hear his train horn. being a little confused, i said yes. so we walk outside and he gets in his truck and hits the horn. and it is a genuine train horn. he bought it from amtrak for $400, when it normally sells for $1,000. but it was crazy; an actual train horn on his truck. all i could think about was the damage he could cause in traffic (or on the road in general) if someone made him mad and he used it.

he was right...again

adam knew that balmy means: mild and refreshing; soft; soothing. i did not. i was under the impression that it meant hot/muggy. but now i know.

he was proved right last night at landmark, but i wanted to give him props here today too.

i'm sure i'll still doubt him from time to time in the future; i'll just be wrong more often than not. here's to future disagreements.

100 words for my 100th post

different sides of the same story:
forlorn, blue, desolate, numb, undone, cheerless, miserable, meloncholy, lost, downcast, hurt, alone, anguished, insignificant, sad.
unwise, foolish, witless, stupid, absurd, laughable, lacking, senseless, ridiculous.
allow, resign, consent, accept, give, tollerate, concede, surrender, take, relent, endure.


i've made up my mind so many times
saying [to myself] that i would,
(or would not) do something.
and i never follow through.

but today is new. my resolve is strong.
it's the beginning of the end.

the gulf will widen. my voice will become faint.
i will allow myself to be forgotten.
then peace will take root.

no chance

things i need to do today, tomorrow, or this weekend...but i know i'm not gonna do:
1 dishes
2 laundry (maybe)
3 wash my truck
4 pay a bill or two
5 get a new cell phone
6 buy pants and shirts
7 stop by the post office
8 stop by a friends house to say hi
9 go grocery shopping
10

comments on a movie, but not really a review

so i went to see the new harry potter movie this past weekend. and it rocked. i had tried to keep my expectations low (partly because i didn't like the 5th movie all that much), so as the movie went on my smile grew wider and wider. i appreciated how much of the book the movie captured, and also some of the subtle ways it deviated from it. but i'll need to see it a time or two more before i can confirm my early approval of it (and maybe write a review). but i did laugh/chuckle a few times, and in one scene (i don't remember which...really) something was said or done that made me grin. the kind of grin that you try to hide or wipe off your face, but you just can't. so, in conclusion, i liked it, want to see it again, and will see it again. and i already look forward to the two movies that will tell the story of the final book. and i'll probably start reading the series again sooner than i figured i would. maybe i'll try to read the lord of the rings series first. yeah, that's what i'll do. bilbo and frodo, you're next. but before i do that, who want's to go watch harry potter with me?

my place

i guess like all things, i go up and down, swing left and swing right. my apartment is a good example. it's clean, it's dirty. i'm happy with it, i hate it. currently, it's a mess. a big mess. the kind of mess that would keep me from having anyone over (i say would because i don't have anyone over in the first place). there's clean laundry and dirty laundry. clean dishes and dirty dishes. mail and papers on this table, and mail and papers on that table. clothes on the floor, clothes in the dresser, clothes on top of the dresser. it needs to be vacuumed, it needs to be dusted, the bed needs to be made, the bathroom needs to be made to sparkle (the kitchen too). we'll see how far i get this weekend.

it's official

i received my first sunburn of the summer on saturday. one of my buddies just had a pool built, and i went swimming on saturday. and of course i wasn't smart enough to put sunscreen on, so i will pay for it for the next three/four/seven days.
i went miniature golfing too on saturday eveining, and lost...to a girl. she whooped up on me and another one of my friends, but i made a hole-in-one on the last hole and won a fee game of golf. so that was sweet.

no title

do you ever do something for so long, that you can't imagine it being otherwise? even if you want it to be? an object/event/situation/relationship in motion tends to stay in motion. i can say that i want something/someone to be in my path in order to help me change (a little or a lot, for the worse or for better), but don't actions speak louder than words? than intentions? than hopes, dreams, and desires?

because it would seem that my actions say otherwise. why am i 32 and still single? why did i never pursue a career? why don't i travel the way i say i want to? why this? whay that? why the other? i wonder how my life will end up turning out? saying/thinking this, i assume some people will think or wonder why i don't take charge and make something happen. make something change. make. do. pursue. be proactive. but i don't think i'm that kind of guy. at least i'm not that kind of guy right now.

so what do i do? what should i expect? can a light just come on, and a change occur? can a desire or drive just well up inside me? can a spontaneous personality change just happen one day?

where in the world is mike wise charlie...

...i would like to be at the coast. but i'm not. i'm here in fresno. i guess the bright side is that it could be worse.

i was just thinking this afternoon, so i figured i would try to put some of those thoughts in this post. and then i will look back and see how successful i was.

i was fondly remembering the few friends that i've had throughout the last 15 years or so that i could have serious, close-to-the-heart, put it all out on the table discussions/conversations with. how wonderful is it (usually noticed/comprehended/appreaciated after-the-fact) to be able to bare a part of yourself to someone (no matter how big or small) when it stays hidden to the rest of the world. to expose that secret. to confess that fear. to voice that opinion. to proclaim whatever it is that you proclaim. to show that person a part of your soul/heart/mind that allows them to know you in a special way from there on out. it tweaks your friendship/relationship/whatever just the tiniest bit. but that's all that needed to happen to procure the change.

i look forward to the next time something like this happens to me, and the next person it happens with. not that i'm sending out invitations to have a heart-to-heart talk, or that the next time i have a conversation with one of my friends that it needs to be life-changing. because i think that part of what makes it work, and what makes it special, is the natural, out-of-the-blue way it usually happens. you don't go searching for; it just happens...i think?

back to my original thought (i think). i feel like i've been alone too long. some/many/all of the things that i would have shared over the last 1, 2, 5, 10 years have been thrown on the shelf, waiting to be released into the trust of someone else. but now there are so many of these things inside of me that some are lost, some are broken, some are lost inside of others, and some have had time to build up walls around themselves...making them harder to get to. and now i've lost my train of thought. so i guess this post is complete.

good looking out, mom

i called my mom the other day to ask what everyone was doing for easter. my dad is working, my brother is working, my sister might be working. so nothing is happening for easter. my mom says she is going to ride along with my dad. feeling a bit lonely, i say that maybe i will ride along too. and to this, my mom says, "i don't think you'll like that". slightly confused, i ask why i wouldn't like that. and she says, "do you want to have your dad ask you questions all day"? no i don't. good looking out, mom, good looking out.

living la vida loca

no i'm not. but apparently i am still alive. i watched pulp fiction at the movies last thursday with ed, adam, and kari (hopefully that is how she spells her name), and that was alot of fun. i house sat/dog sat for some friends this last weekend. so there you have it, still alive.

update

what have i been up to lately? not much.

we'll see what the future holds

i think i'm done for now. no need to look here again. it probably won't change for a while.

more fail

it's not just relationships i guess. i feel like i fail at everything.
and who doesn't want a guy who has that attitude?
form a line ladies, let's keep it civil.

fail

i was thinking about all of the relationships that i've failed at.
it's a long list.

questions 1 thru 5? 10? 15? 20? 25? 30? 35? 40?

how many people *(family)* are going to ask me how many questions over the next week and a half? how about, when i have something new or worth while to tell you, i'll tell you, and until then don't ask. i don't care if it's been a week, a month, or a year. don't ask. i don't want to talk to you about me. sports, fine. the weather, fine. unicorns and pixey dust, fine.

white elephant

so we are having a white elephant gift exchange at work today. i took things that were laying around my house, and decorated it with things that were laying around my house. i'm very happy with what my gift contains and how my gift is decorated.

my gift contains the following:
1. Road Warrior DVD - new
2. Pocket Arcade Electronic Sudoku - new
3. Package of Rainforest Animal Stickers - new
4. Block of Clear Plastic that says I'm a 3 Gallon Donor from the Central California Blood Center
5. Some Miscellaneous Electronic Devise for a Digital Camera - new
6. Blue Homemade Scarf
7. Dumb and Dumber Soundtrack - used
8. Orange Flex Fit Hat from a backhoe company my company uses
9. Large Sticker (10 inches x 14 inches) saying WARNING (in huge letters) DETECTABLE AMOUNTS OF CHEMICALS KNOWN TO THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA TO CAUSE CANCER, BIRTH DEFECTS, OR OTHER REPRODUCTIVE HARM MAY BE FOUND IN AND AROUND THIS FACILITY (in regular-sized letters). (PROPOSITION 65, CALIFORNIA HEALTH AND SAFETY CODE SECTION 254249.6 ET SEQ.) (in small letters)

my gift is decorated with:
1. each item is individually wrapped
2. they are all put in the same box
3. the box is decorated with old, unused christmas cards (the fronts and the sayings inside them) in random order and placement...but classy.

it was fun. i just hope i'm not let down by everyone else not thinking it's as funny as i do.

le sigh

i don't know what's wrong with me.
all i know is that nothing makes me happy.
if i had the guts, i'd move away and try to start over.

free time

what to do.
i can only watch so much television.
i can only watch so many dvds.
i don't have a computer at home to use.
i don't have a video game system either.
i don't have a girlfriend to occupy my time.

i'm going to start working out. just at the little "gym" at my apartment complex. maybe after i succeed at this level for awhile i might join a real gym. we'll see.

and i would like to volunteer somewhere. i know kasey tried helping at the spca, and that didn't pan out, but i would like to look into it anyway. there is one a few minutes away from where i work, and there is an animal shelter (i think it's an animal shelter) being built close to where i live.

fool

there are many things that make me me. here is one example: i take things just a little too far.

feel free to agree, inquire, add others, or move on.

unfortunate

when i decided to begin blogging, i think i thought it would be a way to express thoughts/feeling/ideas that i didn't want to actually voice. but it's not working out like that. the things i want to say, and the feelings i want to share are still inside. why? because even though i want to get them out, i don't really want anyone i know or who knows me to read them or know them. so i guess that means that i need to journal at home along with blogging about regular things. it's not that i don't want anyone to see them, it's that i want to be anonymous. maybe that's why i like postsecert so much, because they succeed at that.

before

i yelled into a void. what did i think was going to happen? of course there was no answer. i stared into this same void, trying to make something out. obviously i failed to see.



before, when i said "i yelled", i was lying. i spoke softly and quickly. i wanted to say as much as i could, while making sure no one overheard. my words floated away from me, bearing my message.



before, when i said "i spoke softly and quickly", i was lying. no words left my lips. there are still words out there from before. i'll wait to hear an answer to them.

a desire...almost strong enough for action

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. ~John Muir

like that

in the last scene of point break, when bodhi paddles out into the raging sea.

the sea

i am drawn to the ocean. to waves crashing on the shore. the immensity of the ocean. its power and fluidity. i could sit and watch it for hours. the sight, the sounds, the smell, the wind, the sun (or not). what a wonderful scene they combine to make. add a storm to that and you get something that it takes a word like "awsome" to describe.

it's been too long since i've viewed a scene like that. i miss it dearly. and to have someone to share it with...well, the search continues.

what happens now?

that's what i've been thinking for some time

what i hear

tears sliding down cheeks
emptiness where there should be your voice
regret

what i see

saddness that can't be hidden
loneliness that isn't comforted
a story that doesn't end well

it's friday, what does that mean?

me: long time, no see.
laundry: i know, it's been awhile.
me: what's it been, a week?
laundry: oh, i think longer than that my friend.
me: not much longer. right?
laundry: okay, you're right, not much longer. but longer than a week.
me: okay. so how have you been?
laundry: building an army.
me: what does that mean?
laundry: you know what it means. how many pair of underwear do you have? how many clean work shirts do you have? i have them all.
me: not all.
laundry: um, besides the shirt on your back and the boxer briefs on your hips, what else do you have that's clean.
me: nothing.
laundry: that's right.
me: you don't have to get all better-than-thou with me.
laundry: i have the power. i can do what i want.
me: i still have power.
laundry: you have no power. clothes equal power, and you have none.
me: maybe i don't need clothes.
laundry: you need clothes. don't be rediculous.
me: ever hear of "going comando"?
laundry: empty threat.
me: we both know that threat's not empty.
laundry: you won't do it.
me: done!
laundry: this isn't over.

the fresno fair

i went to the fair last night with ed and adam. it was fun. please to be directed to ed's blog page for a full and accurate review of the evening (with pictures even).

update

the highlight of my week (maybe the only highlight) was the office last night. i don't know if i can love jim and dwight any more than i do right now.
work is going fine.
i haven't talked to my mom and that side of the family in a couple of weeks.
i haven't talked to my dad and that side of the family for months and months (really. it's sad on my part).
i have no personal life, and no prospects at the moment.

spiral: downward

thursday night tv

i watched the first hour of survivor last night, and then the office.

it seems like survivor tries to cover all of its bases with the cast it puts together each season. it starts with 18 contestants. there are 6 young, attractive women. there are 6 young, muscular men. and then there are 6 old/weak/unattractive people. at least that's how i break them down when i see them for the first time. maybe that says more about me than anything else - because i don't have to try to fit them into these catagories, they just fall into them automatically. anyway, moving on.

the office was great. i'm glad jim proposed to pam. i liked her reaction. the dwight/angela/andy relationship triangle works well. dwight coming out of the storage room in his wife-beater and his big gut, looking all smug and full of himself makes me laugh. michael continues to be clueless, as he should. and bringing ryan back in as the temp, and the scenario between michael and dwight and him with their goatees was funny. and always, i love dwight and jim's relationship, with jim putting his hand on dwight's shoulder just to have dwight shrug it off while looking exasperated. and there's so much more - like dwight kicking stanley's birthday cheesecake all over michael, or kelly wanting everyone to tell her more good things about her when she was standing on the chair. i enjoy watching this show more than any other on tv right now.

spiral

currently: downward

in other news. i've had the cartoon television series 'Voltron' sitting on my shelf for a year or two now. last night i decided to shake the dust off of it and take a stroll down memory lane. I remember the show, and i remember the toys, i just didn't remember how much i watched it. but when it started i was like "oh yeah, i remember these guys." out of the four episodes i watched last night, i don't remember any of them. so maybe i started watching it later in the series. it is fun though. and editing wise, they left in the cuts where the show leaves and comes back from commercial...which i think is very funny. it says something like "we'll be back with more action after this short commercial break" and then "and now back to more Voltron". it's something like that; i know i didn't capture it word for word.

thank you

so i went down to bakersfield on friday with ed and woody to help woody move some furniture and pick up a car to bring back to fresno. so we went out for drinks that night, stopping at a few different places. when we were leaving one spot, we were stopped on the street behind a car that was being dealt with by the police. the other end of the street was blocked with cones, so we had to go this way. while waiting behind this car, one of the police officers walks back to us to tell us it's going to be awhile, and we should use the alley to leave. the other two say "okay", and what do i say? "thank you". as you can guess, they laughed at me and made fun of me the rest of the night.

i wake up sunday morning and see that i got a text saturday night. at 1:33 am. from ed. saying "thank you". i texted him back that morning asking why he said thank you. he said he wasn't sure. and then later it clicked. he was making fun of me. he was probably leaving landmark, saw a cop car, and sent me the text. i'm glad my friends like me enough to make fun of me. i think.

my favorite harry potter

so i watched all five harry potter movies over the last two weeks in the evenings; that should tell you how exciting my life is. and i have to say i like movie number three the best. that's not saying that i like book number three the best, or the story in three the best. but the movie, the movie. i don't know the proper terms to use; maybe it's the production, or the cinematogrophy, or the direction. but i really enjoy watching it. it has weight to it. emotion. i think that movie number three has the same mood and theme that is developing and living through the entire book series (where some of the other movies are their own entities, serving their own purposes).

now i wouldn't say that book number three is my favorite, but i can't tell you which one is just now. it's been too long since reading a few of them. so i'm rereading the series. it will probably take me a little bit to do (especially since i am still finishing up two other books too). but after i finish i will tell you which book i liked the best. and hopefully i will be able to adequately explain why.

on a side note, i love how two people can read the same book and see things entirely different. the mood and theme and feeling i get from reading this series may be somewhat (or completely) different from what someone else gets from it.

so, it's september

i guess this means i need to come up with some content for my blog. i'll get to work...coming up with stuff. friends should feel welcome to put their two cents in.

check back at a later date

to the few of you who make your way by my blog, i think i'm going to not post anything for the rest of the summer. like say, till september. i'll still read through others blogs and comment here and there, but don't worry about mine.

an hour well spent, with nothing to show

i wish you could read my heart. you'd learn so much about me. you would know me and love me. instead i have this page for you to read. and so you go away empty. because i don't know how to transcribe my heart onto this page.

recap

my little brother (mom and step-dad) got married during memorial day weekend; and that went very well.

my little sister (dad and step-mom) had her 8th grade graduation (home school - 3 8th graders, 1 12th grade) up in the bay area a week ago; and that went very well.

i had a great time at the woody's this last weekend along with the stewart's and adam. i got plenty of sun by the pool, had a good bbq, and got to see first hand all of the fun new things georgia is doing and saying.

and last night i hung out with kasey as she got her tattoo (which turned out super-duper awsome). adam, kendall, sara via phone, katie and brian were also there to support her/harrass her/help her pull through.

and i'm looking forward to going to colorado next week for becky and jay's wedding.

something new

i'm gonna be up in the bay area this weekend, visiting family, because my little sister is graduating the eighth grade. so i'm leaving after work today, and will get back late on sunday.

this weekend

my little brother is getting married on saturday. i assume i'll go down friday after work and stay till...i guess sometime sunday. i hope everyone has a good holiday weekend!

a star imploding

To get a stellar implosion (leading to a supernova and then either a black hole or neutron star), the fuel at the center of the star gets used up, and the core cools rapidly. The pressure that has been holding up the outer layer drops, and the outer shells start falling toward the center. The gas has a long way to fall (the radius of a red giant can be as large as the distance from the Earth to the Sun) and builds up a tremendous speed. It all meets at the center, at which point most of the mass rebounds into a supernova explosion. About 20% of the mass gets compacted at the center and either forms a neutron star or (if the original star was really large) a black hole.

i kinda feel this way.

a picture in my mind

out at sea, not too far from the coastline, was this craggy rock. it looked dry and old with little to offer. yet there was a tree growing on it. just one. and the tree looked old (if not old, at least mature), and it was twisted and turned and hunched over by years of wind and sea. but there it stood, on that rock, almost defiantly. it was a beautiful scene (almost art); and sad at the same time, because it was alone on this rock.

alphabet sentences

Alligators
Besiege
Cattle.
Drab
Economics
Fail
Generations.
Heros
Invoke
Justice.
Koalas
Leave
Manure
Nuggets.
Offer
People
Quiet
Relief.
Sever
Ties
Universally.
Value
Willfulness.
Xenagogues
Yell
Zealously.

another meme

i saw this on Sara's blog and figured that since i needed to update my blog, i'd try this.
the rules: all answers have to start with the same letter as does your first name.
1. What is your name? michael
2. A four-letter word: mild
3. A vehicle: motorcycle
4. A city: milan
5. A boy's name: mortimer
6. A girl's name: molly
7. Alcoholic drink: mai tai
8. An occupation: manicurist
9. Something you wear: moleskin coat
10. A celebrity: marky mark
11. A food: muffin
12. Something found in a bathroom: magazines
13. Reason for being late: moving violation
14. Something you shout: michael (yes?! no?!)
15. An animal: millipede
16. A body part: molar

the coast

the coast was nice. i'm back.

travels (long and short)

i'll be at the coast this weekend. i'll see you when i see you.

laughs

the show the office makes me laugh. i love that show.

visiting my grandparents

i was working in pixley yesterday, so i stopped in tulare on my way home because i felt like visiting the gravesite of my grandpa and grandma (my dads parents). my grandma died before i was born, so i never got to know her. and my grandpa died about a year and a half ago. every once in a while i miss that this grandma, Bobbe Jean Wise, wasn't able to be a part in my life. but i overthink many things, this included. like that if my grandma had lived, my dads life might have taken a different direction and i may not even be here today. and on and on. but i wish i could have known my grandma. my grandpa, Clifford Duane Wise, was a good man and i loved him. i wasn't as close to him as i could have been, but thats my fault because i'm not as close with any of my family as i feel i should be. i'm sure this is common, but since they are not here to answer my questions or give me advise i feel that there is so much i wish i could get from them. one thing i'm sad about in particular is that i never talked to my grandpa about my grandma. my grandpa remarried some five to eight years later, so i grew up knowing a different grandma and never felt comfortable bringing up Bobbe with him. i wish i had, partly to learn about her and partly for something else.
so i cried at their gravesite. but it was out of selfishness. i was sad that they weren't there for me. to help me and answer my questions and give me advise. i do miss them, but yesterday i cried for me. sometimes tears bring relief or healing or peace, but these didn't. these were tears of loss and sadness and regret. they were tears of realization that they couldn't help me, and that i'd have to figure out my life and my problems without them.
but it was still good to visit their gravesite and say hi and tell them that i miss them.

a poem i've always enjoyed

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

IMPORTANT information about me!!!

I'm "borrowing" this from Carly, who got it somewhere else.
Anyway! Enough about me, let's talk about me...

Hi, my name is: michael
but you can call me: whatever works
Never in my life have I: smoked a cigarette
The one person who can drive me nuts is: me (maybe that's cheating, but i'm going with it)
My high school was: just so-so
When I’m nervous: i bite my fingernails (i also bite them when i'm not nervous)
The last song I listened to was: f me pumps by amy winehouse
If I were to get married right now it would be to: a woman i loved
My hair is: a memory
When I was 4: all of my moms friends loved me (of coures they were all 20 at the time)
Last Christmas: i was in the bay area playing sponge bob monoply with my little brother
I should be: working right now...and i mean RIGHT NOW
When I look down I see: everything from my chest down (mmmm...sexy, huh!? no? okay then)
The happiest recent event was: my moms birthday, and her smile when i gave her flowers
If I were a character on ‘Friends’ : i'd probably be similar to chandler
By this time next year: things may be different
My current gripe is: the price of gas
I have a hard time understanding: what i should do with my life
There’s these girls: who love me now, but who knows if they'll love me later (they're 7,5,3,1)
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: whoever i think would think it was cool
I want to buy: other people things
Where do you plan to visit: england
If you spent the night at my house: we'd stay up all night talking
The world could do without: hate
Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: a netflix subscription
Most recent thing someone else bought me: a card
My middle name is: duane
In the morning I: pray for whoever is on my mind
Last night I was: not doing laundry like i told myself earlier in the day i would
If I was an animal I’d be a: tiger or a monkey
A better name for me would be: you tell me
Tomorrow I am: playing poker in the evening in tulare with friends
Tonight I am: doing laundry...then it depends on what others are doing
My birthday is: towards the end of november

the gym

it seems like alot of my friends have been talking about the gym. they are going. they are thinking of going. they are planning on going. i'm not planning on joining a gym, but i would like to start working out some. my apartment complex has a workout room that would suit my needs. so now all i need to do is make my way over to this room and work out. wish me luck.

how did that get there?

i haven't listened to cypress hill in quite a while. i don't think i've heard them on the radio in quite a while. so why then has one of their songs been playing through my head all morning?

what to do during the week, in the evening

i usually try to watch jeopardy at 7. i've been reading practically every night (a variety of books). i have some dvds that i can watch over and over, so every so often i'll put on one. and currently i am receiving netflix so over the next couple of weeks this is what i have slated to receive and watch:
grindhouse: planet terror (robert rodriguez zombie movie)
grindhouse: death proof (quinten tarentino something something)
waitress (i've heard good things about it)
dexter: season 1 (4 discs) (i've seen a few episodes on sunday nights and like it)
the prestige
the borne ultimatum (i liked the first 2, so i figure this one will be good too)
the royal tenenbaums
lost in translation (i'm very attracted to scarlett johansen)
blade runner: directors cut (i've always been a fan of sci-fi, and like this movie)
willow
children of men

homeland security

so i just got back from lunch, and am sitting at my desk when two people come in the front door. and who do they say they are? homeland security. at least that's whay the guy says as he shows me his badge. well, there are no managers in the office right now, so i give him the address to our main office so he can speak to our human resourses director. crazy. i hope no one is in trouble.

as days turn in to years

does time just keep going by faster, the older you get. i'd say all the way through eighth grade, it would take forever to get to...your birthday, or a holiday, or summer, or the weekend. once i got into high school though, i began to notice time moving faster. and now, i'm 31, it's already march, it's almost summer, and on and on.
at the same time that my life flies past me, i just know that this week is going to take forever. maybe to say "i know" is wrong, but i have a strong feeling. maybe that's good though; i have a thing or two i need to prove to myself i can do. 1 day down, 4 to go.

why not work

well, it's saturday morning and i'm working. this doesn't happen very often. last night my boss called and asked if i could work today. sure. so i'm in the office now, but leaving to go to a jobsite. what is my task? to be a company representative while we have subcontractors on the site performing work today. what does that mean? i sit around for 7-8-9 hours reading a book or twiddling my thumbs while these guys work. i can use the money, and really, what else was i going to do today. i never know what i'm doing until someone says lets do something. so i can talk and see what's going on tonight, i just can't do anything during the day.

what the flip, kip

so either something is wrong with my phone or none of my friends have had anything to say over the last couple of days. i guess now would be a good time to look at my phone bill and make sure that its not overdue and been shut off, making my friends and family wonder and worry about me.

i need new clothes

that doesn't mean that i'm getting new clothes, just that i need them. my three-shirt rotation seems to have been noticed by a few of my friends...but sara's deep love of my green recycle shirt keeps me smiling for now. with st. patricks day coming up, i might have to find another cool green shirt. there's no way that it will be as cool as my recycle shirt, but if it's close i'll be happy.

what's new

nothing. went to the zoo on saturday with sara & georgia, adam, ed & heather, and nick. before that we had lunch in the park with george, ken & anna & eden. lunch and the zoo were both fun.
i forgot to adjust my clock saturday night, so i missed church sunday morning.
i know none of this was even worth reading, sorry, i just felt i needed to say something.

looking back, i might be a bad friend

i was thinking of some of my old friends. people who played important roles in my past, but who i don't know anymore. maybe our worlds drifted apart. maybe we got into a fight. maybe they (or i) moved or went away to school. maybe that's just life.
all i know is that i had some good friends that i enjoyed being with and who helped me through some tough times; but now they're just part of my past. and unfortuantely i don't have the best memory.
but people can change. and hopefully old dogs can learn new tricks. and hopefully i'm a better friend to you than i was to them.

today

my heart itches like adam's tattoo. recent self-introspection was like the needle, or the ink, or both. but it's healing now. and i like it's new look - similar to before...but different (a good different). and right now it itches.

how to get from there to here

i was looking through my posts, and this one was listed as a draft. back on 2-26-08, and today it is 10-30-09. maybe i posted something similar to it later...or not. here it is, one of the things i was thinking of that day.


i have thoughts, and ideas, and feelings that are swirling around in my head. and inside my head i understand them. i see them, hear them, and feel them. some of these thoughts, and ideas, and feelings are meant just for me. but some of them - some of them need to be shared, or expressed, or given to others.

and that's where i feel like i struggle. they don't seem to sound the same when i speak them. they don't look the same when i write them down. and their intention seems changed when i tell someone them.

it may be my imagination. or it may be true.

just so you know

i haven't been in a real good mood lately (another way to say it would be that i haven't been myself). it's a combination of things. so if i normally interact with you and something seems off...it's not you, it's me.
update:
can you go through a mid-life crisis at 31? and what is a mid-life crisis?
second update in two minutes:
i guess if i only live to 62, this would be the perfect time for one.
3rd update:
it's almost 5. i'm happy i made it through the day. i think i'll go home and collapse, although i need to run 2 errands first.

how 'fashion forward' i am

i went to lunch with my friend/coworker/boss josh today. as we were driving, he looks over at me and says, "my grandpa called, he wants his shirt back." i'm okay with it looking like his grandpas shirt. i like it. this shirt is a white, short-sleeve, button-up with vertical textured striping (that's as best as i can describe it with my limited fashion vocabulary). maybe ed can take a picture of it tonight as adam gets his tattoo. then i can update this post with a picture.

my haiku

i commented on carly's blog post titled 'wednesday haiku' with one of my own. here it is:

light wanes.
leaves fall in love.
beautiful.

i have other versions of the same haiku in carly's comment section, so i won't put them here.

recap/update - what a new year means

i had lunch with my friend ed today, and a topic that came up breifly was how my 'resolutions' were coming along. so let's see.
a few things i wish to achieve this year:
1. a career.
2. a relationship.
3. a healthy body.
4. get outdoors/travel more.
5. feed friendships.
6. get out of debt.
7. find god.
8. learn about my background.
9.
here is where i stand two and a half months later:
1. i've told my employers (at the beginning of february) that i want to keep working there; that i want to turn what i do into a valuable position that merits a better salary. they seem all for it; i just have to realize that nothing happens overnight. so i'll work hard, and hopefully begin to see the fruits of my labors soon.
2. nothing new. i have started going to another church sunday mornings, so at least seeing new/more people is a step in the right direction. i have a split relationship personality - i'm in no real hurry...and i'd love to be in a relationship right now.
3. i haven't seen the inside of a gym yet. but i'm trying (and succeeding more than failing) to eat more fruits and drink more water instead of soda. baby steps.
4. i'm going to colorado to see becky and jay get married this summer. hopefully that counts, because i don't have many other plans. yet.
5. this is a roller coaster. i go from seeing and hanging out with friends every day, to seeing them once in two weeks. but overall i think most of my friendships are growing and improving. always more work to be done though.
6. right now there is no improvement. maybe i'll make more money soon - then i can begin to work on my debt.
7. not much new here. i am going to a second church, so that may be looked at as good. but sometimes you're not ready to back up the things you say. i'm not sure that i'm ready for god right now.
8. i've done nothing to help accomplish this yet.
9. i was hoping that by the time i got here, i'd have something to add. i don't.
there it is. remixed. remastered. now available on a two disc, collectors edition, signed blah blah blah.

6 words

as far as our part of the web world goes, this meme was started with carly.
write a story in 6 words.
Legend has it that Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."
"Everyone hs a story. Can you tell yours in six words?"
here's mine:
when we die, let's die together.
i tag: heather stew, eleanore, dennis

good times

i had a lot of fun this weekend. friday i went to the opening of a new bar/restaurant with sara, adam, nick and nick. saturday i don't remember doing much until the evening when ed and heather invited people over to watch ufc fights before going to the landmark for drinks. then sunday was the super bowl, which was exciting and had an unexpected winner.
but saturday night at landmark was a highlight. if i remember right, there was ed, adam, myself, sara, woody, nick and kasey (if i forgot someone, sorry, but i think brian, the other nick and leah were out on friday). we rolled dice, had some drinks and cracked plenty of jokes. i adopted one (maybe two) nicknames...we'll have to see if they stick or not. ed finally dried up the landmarks store of seagrams 7 (my contribution was minimal). and i'd have to say that aces has become the groups 2nd favorite dice game behind liars.

the mission - create a story

i had an idea to create a scene or story that had to include a list of words in it. there are 10 words that must be used. they do not have to be used in any particular order. you can use alternate meanings of the words, or their normal usage. the story can be a run-on sentence, or a paragraph(s). you can use as many of the key words in a sentence that you want. after writing your story, you should tag 3 others to do the same.

i tag:
sara, ed, adam

the words:
1. pot 2. pan 3. spoon 4. fork 5. knife 6. glass 7. fire 8. water 9. light 10. sink

the story:
i saw him going the other direction - skipping, playing a pan flute. it sounded like water making its way down a stream. i closed my eyes to let it sink in. when i opened my eyes again the sun had moved behind the branches of an old oak tree. the light that shone through was dappled and wonderful looking. i stared at the sun through that tree for i don't know how long. finally i started up again, making my way down the dusty dirt path. when i came to the fork in the road i went left. as i rounded a corner i saw the lake, with water as smooth as glass, stretching off into the distance. i picked up my pace, needing to make a fire before the sun went down. when i get back, a fire is already going. she had made it. and now she was looking through my bag. i say, "if you're looking for pot, you won't find any." she looks up with a devilish smirk, "HA HA!" followed by "who doesn't bring a knife camping?" i show her where the knife is. after dinner we sit by the fire, moving closer to it as the night gets colder. i yawn and say it's time to go to bed. "do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?" i tell her i want to be the big spoon.

overwhelmed

i would have to assume that we all are overwhelmed by life and events sometimes. it could be something positive or good, like a marriage or a baby or a vacation. or it could be something negative, like a failure or a mistake or a sadness. it could be an everyday life event that isn't one or the other. or it could be none of these. maybe it's hard to pin down.
i feel overwhelmed. i feel like i'm looking up out of a hole, wondering how i can get out.
or maybe like taking a walk. a long walk. its like i wanted to go on this walking journey, so i started walking. so i've been walking and walking and walking. for days and weeks and months and years. and i've gone a long way. a long way. but i'm done with my walk now, and i'd like to get back home. how the hell do i get home? i don't know how to get home. and it's overwhelming me. it drains me. it's eating at me; killing me slowly. my mind, my heart, my spirit, my body, my will. my drive and desire. the only part of my body that works are my tear ducts. the only part of my mind that works is the self-hate.
what i just said may look or sound bad; but it's not too bad. i figure there are 100 parts that make up the person that i am. this is only 1 part. but this is the part that spilled out of me today.
connected to this - but apart from it - is the idea of someone to listen to me and my problems who has no connection to me. the idea of giving every detail to a person to examine and study and come to a conclusion about (and maybe give an answer or direction), unlike the vague blurry generalities i present here. i know that these people exist, and that they're called therapists. i know this.
it's about time for lunch, so i'm gonna stop here.

weekend events

i went down to bakersfield this last saturday to hang out with my friend woody because his wife was out of town and he had nothing else to do. so we just hung out, watched tv, and then went to see charlie wilson's war. the movie was rated r for nutidy, language, and war violence...but if you can handle that ok, i think you would enjoy this movie. i haven't read up to see how accurate the movie was to actual historical events, but it seemed like it could have been close. i enjoyed it. i thought the actors did a good job (tom hanks, julia roberts, and philip seymour hoffman), and the story moved well. i'm glad i saw this movie over practically everything else showing. i would have watched sweeney todd and juno, too. so i'll need to see those some other time.
and one other thing. after the movie we went out for a drink (i don't remember the name of the place), and while we were sitting at the bar some people were leaving and we overhear a comment. what is the comment? it's one guy saying to his friend, "hey, that guy looks like serj from system of a down." i heard it, but didn't put two and two together. but woody turns to me and asks if i heard what he said, and says that people say stuff like that quite often. so that was pretty funny.

self image

i took a picture of myself last night, but i didn't like it so i deleted it. if someone else was there to look at it, they probably would have said that it was fine. i would like to see myself through other peoples eyes...maybe...just for a day. what do people see when they see me? what do people think about me, or feel about me, when they see me? i know that there is more to a person than their looks; and when you look at a person you see more of them than just their looks. the more you know a person (family, friend, spouse/other), the more "extras" you see or project on to the image your eyes are taking in. language seems so...inadequate (or maybe just my ability to understand and/or express it). i wish i could express better what i see when i look at people (maybe only sometimes i wish this). maybe that's why i didn't like the picture i took last night. because sometimes i see everything about me (all of the "extras", good or bad) and sometimes that overwhelms the picture, pours out of it, ruins it. can anyone understand what i'm saying, whether they agree or not, or is this just confusing? maybe someone else can better say, or elaborate on, or further explain what i tried to start here.

Why i hesitate

Now, i'm not talking about this to offer excuses...this is just how i feel. They may not be appropriate or logical reasons...but they are my reasons.
I'm turning in an application for an apartment today, and i'm nervous. I may have less-than-perfect credit and i may be poorly qualified, but i don't like that someone is going to tell me that. I let these fears and feelings affect me too much. I may get the apartment. My credit score may be better than i think. But this man who i do not know, who i may never even see again, gets to look into my life and make a decision about me...and i don't like that feeling at all. Control. I like to be in control, and in this situation i am not in control.
I was going to move on to other situations/circumstances/parts of my life, but i've changed my mind and am going to stop here.

what does a new year mean

in the fairy tale land part of my brain that i keep hidden way in the back, a new year equals a fresh start and the chance to enforce resolutions (resolutions which of course you'll keep). but i've given up on that. not that i don't want these things, just that i know me...and me never accomplishes these things. sad - maybe. pathetic - maybe. true - definately.
so what do i wish to achieve this year? i'll list many things here, and maybe one or more of them will be accomplished/acquired/experienced/and whatever else.
1. a career. what i mean by this is a job/career that can allow me to live comfortably (either by myself or with someone else); a job that i for the most part enjoy; the possibility to advance/improve/change.
2. a relationship. i thought of saying "love" here, but you can have love without having a relationship. you can also have a relationship without having love, but i don't want to get into that right now. but a relationship that would last me for the rest of my life. a woman that would love me the way i am (i would be willing to change some) and that i could love just as she is. i'm going to leave this point short, so moving on.
3. a healthy body. i used to go to the gym and play sports/be active all the time. used to. and my body reflected that. not that i could ever be the same person i used to be, i could be better than i am now. riding a stationary bike, using a rowing machine, lifting weights, eating better (much better), cutting back on the sodas, streaching (either yoga or just streaching). these are all things that can contribute to improved health, and weight loss. sounds great, i just need to do it.
4. get outdoors/travel more. i don't need to go anywhere exotic or thousands of miles away. but sequioa would be good. yellowstone would be good. northern california (beach, mountains, forests), southern california (beach), oregon or washington and so on and so on. included in this could be visiting/vacationing with friends (colorado, las vegas, etc.).
5. feed friendships. i have developed some good friendships (either by myself or with the help of others) and i want to strengthen them as well as make more. i've let some friendships die from lack of involvement. i've killed some by only taking and not giving. some i gave up on for the wrong reasons. but some i still have, and i want those to get better and better. so i want to give more to friends, learn more about them, be there for them when they need me, be there for them when they don't need me, be there for them when i need them.
6. get out of debt. or at least improve/minimize it.
7. find god. it's not that i don't know him, it's just that i don't know where he is in my life. i got careless and now i've lost him. he either fell out of my pocket or got left on a chair or was lent to a friend (which friend, i don't know). and it's not that finding him would solve all of my problems. there is a good chance that it won't solve any of them. but i'd still like to find him.
8. learn about my background. i know a little. but not much. i'd like to know alot more. generations and generations worth. back to who came here when from where. and back and back and back. i don't know how far back i will be able to go, but i have to try before i know.
9...
i can't think of anything else right now, but i guess that's a start.

bad habbits

we all have bad habbits, right? one that i constantly battle with is biting my fingernails. i've always done it - i'm sure it has to do with my early childhood or something like that. my parents used to put the peppery tasing nail polish on them, but i would chew right through that. i might have gotten punished and spanked (i can't remember); but i always bite my nails.
at different times, i have tried to not bite them. i've gone for weeks, a few times i've gone months, but i always end up defeated. i'll be three weeks in, trimming them and keeping them looking good, and then i'll be watching a movie or something and before i know it i've chewed half of my nails down to nothing. then i give up and move to the other hand and say that i'll try again some other time.
i am currently trying to not bite my nails. five or six days in, so far so good. so when we are hanging out and you see me start to bite my nails, i give you permission to hit me/kick me/make fun of me/throw something at me (not your drink, ed)/or remind me that i'll never become an asternaut or president if i bite my nails.

filling free time

so, most of my evenings are free most of the time. on these free evenings i'm either watching tv or a movie, or reading a book. like with 99% of things in life, if you do them long enough they get old. what can i do to bring new life to my evenings? i have two possibilities that i will expound on, but i would also be grateful to hear from you, my friends, your suggestions.
my possibility #1 is to work out (this would mean either getting a gym membership or using my apartment complex's gym, if they have one). before i decided to hurt myself while riding a motorcycle, i used to work out 3-4 times a week - and i loved it. so, riding a stationary bike and possibly lifting weights would be a good way to waste away part of multiple evenings, and a great thing for my body. and i know you all want me to have a good looking body; you don't have to say it, i know.
my possibility #2 is to take an evening class at city college. i'm thinking some type of history class, or art history/appreciation, or something else. it would be a credit/no credit type class that would be fun to take by myself, but more fun to take with a friend or two.
other suggestions/ideas/possibilities?

holiday travel

i think i am going to spend christmas in the bay area with my dad and step-mom this year. so i'll leave friday evening or saturday morning, and come back christmas afternoon/evening. i try to alternate from year to year between the bay area and visalia, but it's hard to want to keep doing this. why is it hard? because i am lazy. because i like sleeping in my own bed. because i'm closer to my mom than my dad. because i hate traffic and am easily annoyed by other drivers. because gas is expensive.
so i guess i'll see my parents down here for christmas before or after. i know some people wanted to do a holiday potluck dinner, but i am doubting that it will happen now.
on a separate note, i hear that someone might have a new years party...allegedly. i might have to crash it. i'll even dress up to blend in if i have to. we'll see.

Let's go to the snow sometime

I really enjoy the image of snow on trees, in meadows, on hills and mountains, frozen lakes and streams, roofs covered in snow with chimneys smoking. It makes the landscape look new, young, pure and beautiful. I'm ready to look on a scene like that. Whether it's going for a long drive into the mountains, staying the night somewhere, or playing in the snow for the day.
My eyes are tired of cars and roads and houses and clutter and trash and people and tv and dirty air and flourescent lights and the city. I want to see beauty, nature, wilderness, the end of a year turning into the begining of another. I can smile just thinking about it (and it's not even a clear picture). I need a clear picture, so it can sustain me for a little while.

Bears vs. Raiders

Sunday, November the 11th, two of my friends (Ed and Josh) took me to a NFL game to celebrate my upcoming birthday. I am a Chicago Bears fan, and I live in California, so this game was picked. We had good seats, not great seats, but good seats (why pay $100-$1000 for a "great" seat). The game was slow, low scoring, and dull...until the last 5 minutes. The Raiders kick a field goal to go up 6-3, and obnoxious Raiders fans went crazy. But the Bears scored on a long pass from Rex Grossman (who came into the game because the starter was injured) to Fresno State's own Bernard Berrian, and were up 10-6. The Bears caused a Raiders fumble, went on offence, and Cedric Benson ran for a touch down to put the Bears up 17-6. The Raiders then moved down the field in the final minute, attempting to score...only to be intercepted in the corner of the endzone (right where our seats were) to end the game. Go Bears!

Pooch Parade

I went to the pooch parade on Saturday with Adam, Ed and Heather. It was kinda fun. There was a fair number of dogs (50-75 is my guess, maybe higher). Around half of these were in costumes. Most of these costumes did nothing for me, but I was looking at the dogs themselves more than the costumes. And I'd have to say that most of these dogs weren't attractive (this may be mainly due to my bias towards some breeds). There was a bulldog that I liked, a rhodesian ridgeback that Adam pointed out to me that I would have liked to see without its costume, and a weiner dog or two that were cool. But most of the dogs were ugly, shaggy/dirty, mutts, or just not my style.
And seeing these dogs helped me to appreciate the dog I had growing up (a rottweiler) and the dog my parents have now (a german shepherd). My rottweiler (brandi) was very pretty, and a great dog. And my parents dog (max), who is about 8 months old now, is a good looking dog that is going to look like the typical german shepherd.
I did see a few rottweilers at or around the pooch parade, and none of them were good looking. I don't recall seeing any dobermans or german shepherds. There was another big dog there that I got just a glance of, but I don't remember what breed it was.
There may have been a lot of good looking dogs show up after we'd left the parade. And a lot of people that have cool/good/neat/good looking dogs just didn't participate in the event. But it would have been nice to see better looking dogs there.
So next year all of the people that have the 'cool' dogs and the 'good looking' dogs need to bring them out to the parade.

Who am I? Who are you?

The other day my boss (who knows I like The Office) brought in some office supplies with Dwight Schrute on them that he got at Target and had them displayed on my desk when I came in. I thought it was cool and I plan on using them. But then he and one of the girls in our office were talking and then it comes up that they want to start calling me Mike Schrute. I laughed. I even said they could if they wanted to. But now I'm wondering what they see about me or my personality or something else that makes them see Dwight Schrute when they see me??? Maybe it's because I too am "faster than 90% of all snakes."
Is there something about me that is clearly Dwight? What about Jim? Or Michael? Or so on... What about you? Are you a Jim, or Dwight, or Angela, or Pam, or Kelly Kapoor?
You can be one of these people for any number of reasons-good or bad, exactly or vaguely. Or you can be more than one of these people, or parts of many of them.
So...connect people (old or current - friends, family, coworkers) to these characters. You can give reasons or explainations if you want to.
Michael Scott - Jim Halpert - Dwight Schrute - Pam Beesly - Angela - Andy Bernard - Karen Filapelli - Stanley - Kevin - Phyllis - Merideth - Toby - Ryan - Kelly Kapoor - Jan Levinson - Oscar - Roy (warehouse) - Darryl (warehouse) - Creed Bratton - Todd Packer - or someone else.
I will take a page from Lefty's three questions and leave my answers in the comment section (once I work out who is who).

two cars crash, and then...

last night i was coming back from a friends place after watching the office, and there was a car accident ahead of me. i was on ashlan heading towards clovis, just at the 168 freeway. a truck was turning to get onto the freeway and a car ran a red light and hit right into him. so i go through the light and pull over and get out to check on the people. both airbags had deployed and both vehicles were pretty messed up. nobody seemed hurt too bad, so i call 911 as people are getting out. so i tell the operator where the accident is and that nobody seems badly hurt. she asks me to see if anyone wants an ambulance. i figure that nobody does, but the guy in the truck that got hit says that he would like one. i'm just finishing up with 911 when a chp arrives, followed shortly by fresno pd. so they start going though their routine and one asks me what i saw and if i'd asked for an ambulance and so on. so they take down my information and statement and say i can go (just as the ambulance arrives). so i leave.
as i'm continuing home, i'm thinking over what happened and what i did and whether i did a good job or not. my conclusion is that i had just barely acheived average.
-I assumed people weren't hurt bad because they got out of their cars on their own.
-I didn't check to see if there was anyone else still in the cars (babies, dogs, dead people).
-I assumed an ambulance wasn't necessary, but someone wanted one.
-I felt bad for not talking to any of the people while waiting for the police (to comfort them or give them moral support).
-And I gave the police a fake name and number. not really.
but i figure i'll do better next time. then i got home, hopped in bed, and thanked God it wasn't me this time.

The War on PBS

The War is a documentary of World War II by Ken Burns on PBS that I have been trying to watch. I know there have been at least 6 episodes so far and I've seen 3 or 4 of them. I think that they are done very, very well. Some of the photos and "video" they show are chilling and moving. It's like a history book come to life in a way none of my history books ever did. I'm not sure what night new episodes air, but I think you can see reruns of previous episodes other days.
I know Adam was looking forward to watching this documentary. I wonder if he has been? I would recomend it to anyone who likes history or would like to learn more about the war than what a high school text book would teach them.
On a separate note, there was also a documentary on baseball on PBS, but I don't know if it is still running, or if it was done by Ken Burns. Each episode covers a 10 year period, and I saw the 1890's, 1900's and 1910's. I thought they were great. I enjoy baseball history, and it was neat learning about all of these baseball pioneers that modern players are always put up against.
I thought of buying the box set of both of these documentaries, but they seem too pricy for me. For The War, they were offering different packages but they were all over $100 (like $180, $250 and $350). I didn't see or hear how much the Baseball box set was, but I assume it was similar.

for e, the lover of bats

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/09/070918-flying-fox.html

e, you were the first person i thought of when i came across this article (maybe because you are the only person i know who likes/loves/enjoys bats).
hopefully this link works.

picture memories

i have been coming across a lot of cool pictures lately. on peoples computers. on blogs. on website. on tv shows. and it makes me want to learn how to take pictures and then take pictures. i am a visual person, so pictures are powerful for me. i assume i can buy a decent camera for a few hundred dollars, so that part of the equation would be fairly easy. and if i didn't want to take a class, i'm sure a little practice would be enough. then, if i ever do go somewhere cool/fun when my friends invite me, i'll possibly be able to take some cool pictures. then i'll just have to learn how to put them up on my blog. but i'm sure my friends can help me with that when the time comes.

places to go

I don't know how many of you that live in the Central Valley enjoy nature and going cool places, but I'd like to go somewhere in the next month or so. I was watching PBS last night (or maybe Sunday night) and there was a very interesting show on this national park in Croatia that is made up of a series of cascading waterfalls and lakes that have a high lime concentration that builds natural dams, creating new pools/lakes (Plitvice Lakes National Park). It was real cool; and it looked awsome (especially in winter). I'm not saying Croatia is where I want to go (I don't have too much extra money floating around). But there are some cool 'natural wonders' not far from us that would be fun to go see. Yosemite National Park, Sequoia National Park, Point Reyes National Seashore (by S.F.), Death Valley National Park, Muir Woods National Monument (by S.F.) and more; as well as many good museums, missions,forts, galleries, theatres, etc.
Maybe some of you have good recomendations or could be tour guides. Or there might be some place that you would love to go to, but haven't yet. But I would like to do something/go somewhere that would be a one or two day event/excursion.

Dare me, I'll save your life!

I just got CPR certified today. It took about three and a half hours when it easily could have taken one and a half. It was one of those things where it was nice to waste a friday afternoon; but then I have so much to get done that it brings stress to the rest of your day/week. But now the week's over. And I'm good to go. Let the saving of lives begin!

a meme, from someone else's brain, to mine, to who knows who

Ok. I was tagged to post a meme. I feel like Sally Fields at the Oscars, "You like me. You really like me!"
Here are the rules:
Post eight (8) random facts about yourself.
Tag other people to follow suit.

1. when i was young (hopefully very young), i would pee the bed sometimes. during this time i watched the facts of life, and in one episode arnold (the little kid) was having a discussion with his white dad about wet dreams. so i went to my mom, happily, and said "mom, maybe that's it. i'm having wet dreams." (without laughing or doing anything to make me feel dumb) she said, "no. i don't think that's it." it wasn't until later in life that i understood what wet dreams are. so it turns out that all i was doing was peeing the bed.

2. when i was in 6-8th grades, i used to steal change out of my moms purse in order to buy ice cream at school. i tried to take only a nickel or dime at a time, or a quarter if she had a lot, thinking this would keep her from finding out. who knows if she knew or not.

3. when i was young, i used to spend the summers with my dad. at this time he lived in santa maria (by pismo beach). and one time, my dad, his best friend, AND ME, went to pirates cove, a nude beach in that area. they kept their shorts on...and so did i. but i remember them playing frisbee with topless girls and naked (fully), wrinkled old people walking hand-in-hand down the beach. ah, memories.

4. the first girl i ever made out with was at a christian summer camp (i'd maybe been a christian for a few months) the summer between freshman and sophomore year (so i was about 14.5). for the longest time I could remember her name. but not now. but i do have fond memories of that week.

5. my grandpa on my moms side gave me my first pocket knife. it was so cool. i felt like a man...at six or seven years old. my second pocket knife was from my dad (step-dad), in my stocking at christmas. it wasn't a locking blade. so when i held it blade down and tried stabbing something (i don't remember what), it closed on my hand, cutting my pinkie almost to the bone. aside from feeling nauseous, i was scared that i was going to be in big trouble (or have my knife that i'd owned for about an hour taken away from me). (once again thinking i was sly), i played it off as being cut by something under a lay-z-boy chair my dad and i moved later that morning.

6. the first dog i had was a rottweiler named brandi. i had her for many years. she was a great dog; and i miss her. i hope that the next dog i own is close to being as good as she was. if i had a drink in my hand right now, i'd pour a little out in honor of her memory.

7. i used to be pretty fast. from elementary school up to 7th grade i was the fastest kid in my class. and from then thru high school, i was still reasonably fast. football, baseball, soccer, basketball, volleyball, beach volleyball, catch, frisbee, tennis and more. i loved to do it all. and i did it all. now i watch it, or watch others do it. or hope someone throws the frisbee or ball right to me so i don't have to move for it. luckily i never thought i was going to be a world-class athelete.

8. i really enjoy martial arts (kung-fu) on tv or movies. i used to love to watch saturday afternoon kung-fu. my mom used to tell me to go outside and play. but if i had a choice, i would stay in and watch kung-fu.

I tag...anyone who is left. I think the six people that read my blog have either already memed or have been tagged to do so. But, if there is someone I am unaware of, direct me to your blog through the comment section of this post, and do this meme yourself.

That's right

I watched Waterworld last night. Not 'cuz I had too, but because I chose to. How do you like those apples?

To Do List

I haven't talked to my dad and step-mom since before Fathers Day. I've meant to...but haven't. He works nights, and that is part of the problem. The other part is that I haven't made a good enough effort to call at a good time. I do feel bad, but I don't give in to guilt too easily (which would shame me into doing things sooner). Maybe today will be the day.

What 'chu talk'n 'bout, Cricket

Sometime this morning, as I was walking from an office in the back up to my office, I came across a cricket on the ground. It was laying on its back flailing its legs about. So I kick it gently to move it into the 'flower bed' (which is full of bark, small plants and trees that have grown almost as tall as it will be possible for them to grow inside.), which allowed it to turn over and go on its way. As soon as I had shown him this mercy the thought came to me that this could well be the same cricket that was making all the noise a few weeks ago. Well, I figured that the chirping would soon begin...but it didn't. So I say "Thank you Cricket. Thank you for not making me wish that I had killed you."

House Parties

I had a fun time this last weekend at a house party in Fresno. Others that I am friends with had fun too.

uhhh, excuse me

Last night I'm sitting on my sofa watching the San Francisco Giants play baseball, hoping that Barry Bonds will hit a home run when there is a knock on my door. My first thought is "little kids selling candy". It wasn't little kids selling candy. I answer my door and there are two girls outside, both in their mid-20's. One was mildly attractive and the other was not. We stare at each othe for a few seconds. Then the first girl reaches out her hand to shake mine and says that her name is Melina (or something like that) and this is her sister (don't know if she said her name). So I shake her hand and say hi, and then we stare at each other for a few seconds. Melina says, "I'm here to collect (or we're here to collect, don't remember)". And I think to myself "But I don't get the Fresno Bee". It was not for the Fresno Bee. Melina says, "It's $150 for an hour and $75 for a half." (I still don't know if she was to take the money and leave and the other girl would stay...or if they both stayed. My mind was swirling at the time.) So I shake my head and say something like "not me". Melina says "this is the right place" and the other girl says "maybe I should call him again (or call him back)". So I say my street number and apartment number and "I didn't call anybody". Melina looks a little confused/perturbed and they start to walk into the courtyard while the other girl gets out her phone. I then lock my door, close my blinds that look into the courtyard, and sit down on the sofa to resume watching the game. Barry Bonds hits a homerun an inning or two later. That's right, Barry Bonds hit a homerun last night.

Travel Plans

A lot of my friends have been traveling lately. One to the East Coast for part of the summer. One to Florida with his girlfriend for a week or so. One to parts of Europe for most of the summer. And some just went to Las Vegas for a fun weekend with friends. And I've stayed put for all of it. I like to travel. I'd like to go to many of these places. So why don't I (I ask myself)? The easy answer is money. Either I don't have enough to go on some of these trips. Or if I went on some of these trips it would mean missing work - and thus missing money. But there has to be more to it than just money because for years (10, 12, 15 or so) there has always been some reason why I couldn't/didn't go on trips. But to find an answer(s) means that I would have to go looking for an answer(s). And I don't want to do that. Why? Because I'm not a big fan of looking into my past, or into my mind/heart/soul. Maybe I just don't know how. It is much easier to push things away or gloss over them and move on to something different. I've thought of going to therapy before; to see if someone could help me help myself. But I've thought of doing MANY, MANY things. And they usually don't get past that stage. How do I take the next step? What is the next step? I'll have to work on that and then re-evaluate this topic. But I'm the type of guy who is open to suggestions or help. So feel free. Just remember that my ego is fragile, so be thoughtful about what you suggest.

an army of one

at my office, there is an indoor forest (atrium?) and for the past three days there has been a cricket chirping. on the first day, one of the girls i work with said the chirping was driving her mad. so i tried to distract/scare/drown it by watering the the plants and trees. that seemed to work. for that day. the second day the cricket was back, but laying low, only chirping every once in a while. then this moring, feeling refreshed and rejuvinated he (the cricket) was back at it...strong! so my intercom beeps, and one of my bosses voice says "which one of you is going to kill that cricket". he was joking, and serious, but it doesn't matter because i think the cricket heard. because i don't think i've heard him since.

Fantasy Football

So on Monday I created a fantasy league on X-box for Madden 2007. My team sucks.
But creating that team got me in the mood for "real" fantasy football. I've been in a league with a few friends for three years now (i think 3) and it has been a blast. So we are approaching a new year of fantasy football (middle of september) and I can't wait.
On a different note, I've actually enjoyed watching baseball this season...maybe because the hallowed homerun record is close to being broken. But come on football!